What’s Really Behind Mr. Pertrumpton’s Immigration Policy?
I was in the locker room at a nearby healthclub (wrapping up my two year old son’s swim class) when President Looney Tweets delivered today’s public statement about legal immigration policy.
Television monitors in this particular locker room only broadcast Fox News. Personally I find that offensive, politically reprehensible and emotionally destabilzing.
Nonetheless, I’ll give the Health Club a pass. Would I be upset if they consistently broadcasted MSNBC or CNN? No. Someone else would. Whatever you do, you’re inevitabily going to piss someone off. You might as well do what you want.
But, I digress.
Donald was flanked by Senator Tom (someone-should-tell-him-there-really-isn’t-a-stick-up-his-ass) Cotton and Senator David (I-know-absoultely-nothing-about) Perdue. The three men, suppressing vindictive glee, briefly described America’s new, legal-immigration-hate policy:
New, would-be immigrants will speak English. New, would-be immigrants will have professional, marketable, commoditized skill sets. New, would-be immigrants will not receive welfare. There will be less, new, would-be immigrants. And finally, new, would-be immigrants will no longer take American jobs.
Wow! Watching this (no longer atypical, question-free) press conference, you would think it was a done deal! The policy has been changed America! Donald J., Senator Cotton and Senator Perdue did it, all by themselves. Damn!
(If you haven’t watched the press conference, check it out. Perhaps I’m overreacting.)
Here’s the thing America. Nothing’s changed….yet. New Immigration policy will be a legislative effort. The House of the Representatives and the Senate will have to debate policy, craft a bill, vote affirmatively and coordinate with the President.
Still, the done-deal press conference was impressively convincing. For a moment, I thought immigration policy magically, unilaterally shifted. The deceptive, oratorical delivery was surprisingly, unapologeticly, disturbingly impressive.
I can’t imagine that was Donald’s idea. He’s not swift enough to concoct a subtle, effective political illusion. I also have a hard time believing it was Senator Cotton’s idea. Cotton is the closest thing the US government has to a functioning android. I don’t think of creative marketing when I think of Senator Tom Cotton.
Was it Senator Perdue’s brainchild? Maybe. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t really know anything about Mr. Perdue.
Actually, I now know something about him. His position on legal immigration sucks the rat balls off of a Manhattan sewer troll.
Look Republicans. I get it. I really do. Your arguement is logical. When it comes to economic issues, I can (at times) be more of a centrist then a liberal progressive. Its just….well….its just….well….its just that your economic/immigration argument is an absurdist, not-actually-funny, bullshit-friendly cover story.
Non-English speaking immigrants are not stealing jobs from hard working Americans. Hard working US Citizens are not clamoring to harvest Sonoma wine grapes, wash dishes in our gentrified-urban-neighborhood-restaurants or slice the gonads off partially mutilated beef carcasses for sixteen hours a day.
Sure, we certainly need more tech savvy immigrants. You’re correct about that Mr. Pertrumpton (Perdue, Trump, Cotton). Guess what Mr. Pertrumpton? Are you ready? Can you guess what I’m going to say?
Apple, Facebook, Google, Netflix, the rest of the NASDAQ heavy hitters and private tech unicorns don’t particularly care how well a qualified immigrant’s English language skills are. They desperately need the skilled labor.
So, let’s talk about the real meaning of Mr. Pertrumpton’s, hopefully-dead-on-arrival-legislation. If he only had the balls to call it was it really is.
Mr. Pertrumpton does not want more brown, black or yellow people emigrating to the United States (especially the brown people). Mr. Pertrumpton has been watching the demographics of the nation change for some time.
Today, Mr. Pertrumpton sees brown, black and yellow people everywhere he goes. Mr. Pertrumpton didn’t grow up seeing all those people of color. Sure, there were lot of black people. But, for the most part, they didn’t live in Mr. Pertrumpton’s neighborhood. There were a few brown people in Mr. Pertrumpton’s orbit. But they kept a low profile and Mr. Pertrumpton didn’t really have to interact with them. There were always a couple of yellow people at Mr. Pertrumpton’s place of business…..but, hey, they weren’t really yellow. And, Mr. Pertrumpton never really believed they were actual Americans.
But now…OMG! Mr. Pertrumpton has to deal with black, brown and yellow professionals in the work place. Many of them, too many of them, have more money the he does.
And, OMG! Mr. Pertrumpton also noticed that many people of color had the audicity to retain their cultural identities. Some even had the gaul to NOT disburden themselves of their native languages.
How could they not completely assimilate to Mr. Pertrumpton’s liking? Mr. Pertrumpton is of European descent. The brown people should be more like German Americans…..dammit! The black people should be more like Irish Americans…..dammit! And the yellow people…..holy shit….the yellow people should be more like British Americans, or Scottish Americas, or Norwegian Americans, or for the love of God, Italian Americans…..dammit!
Wait there’s more. Mr. Pertrumpton (at least the two parts of Mr. Pertrumpton that enjoy intellectual capacity) are aware of statistical analysis. Statistically, white people will cease to be the majority demographic in a generation (or two, or three).
And that’s the rub America.
There’s the real inspiration behind the new Immigration Policy (that isn’t policy). This isn’t going to be an economic immigration bill. It’s going to be a demographic immigration bill.
Conservatives like Mr. Pertrumpton desperately want to defy the natual, intended evolution of our Republic. They would prefer to devolve to protect the racial majority, the white demographic.
Have the courage to call it what it is Mr. Pertrumpton.
